How Do I Choose a Family Lawyer?

This question must be answered by first determining your goals for the case. 

If your goal is to fight your face off and money is no object, pick an expensive, litigious lawyer.  If your goal is to divide things pretty fairly and not spend a lot of money, find a lawyer who advertises being more client-centric, and is more settlement minded.  If your goal is to fight your face off but you don’t want to pay lawyer a lot, start practicing witchcraft because that isn’t going to happen without a little black magic, a sacrificial goat, and the bottled tears of children.

That’s pretty much it.  The more litigious your case (meaning, the more you fight), the more expensive it will be.  Trial is expensive because it takes so much time to prepare for, plus you’re paying the lawyer for all that time out of the office.  In addition to trial, you may be paying the lawyer to conduct expensive discovery.  Lawyers make their money by billing you for their time working on your case.  So, the more time they work on your case, the more it will cost you.  And we work off retainers, which means you pay in advance, so there is typically no getting around paying the bill.

So, back to the original question:  How do I choose a family lawyer?  Quite simply, figure out what your goals are, meet with a few lawyers, and see how they respond to your stated goals.  In addition, make sure they promise the following:

• Good communication (you should know what is going on in your case at all times)
• Timely responses to emails and phone calls (this doesn’t mean same day, but two weeks is too long, and not at all is unacceptable) 
• Collaboration (it’s your case – you should be involved in the substantive decisions)
• Ethics.  I realize this defies ever lawyer joke.  And if you’re the client looking for a litigious lawyer, this defies logic.  But trust me on this one.  Unethical lawyers make bad case decisions, which will hurt you.  

If they don’t promise these things (and especially if they don’t follow through after you’ve hired them), find a new lawyer.

Lastly, like any relationship, chemistry is important.  Find a lawyer you like!  Not just one you can stand.

Alisha

There are no laws to regulate kindness.

I've been looking for a reason to quote Jon Foreman in a blog and today I came across this quote, which is my title.  "There are no laws to regulate kindness."  Compassion vs. Consumption.  I often tell my clients this, although a lot less eloquently with, "It's not illegal to be an asshole."  Same message.

Lawyers have a saying:  In criminal law, you represent the worst people at their best.  In family law, you represent the best people at their worst.

Going through a family law case may be the hardest thing you do your entire life.  You're emotional, scarred, and you've got a lot of resentment.  Whatever the ex's flaws, you know them well and you may be considering using them against the ex to get what you want - revenge.

That's right, that's what this case may be about for you - revenge.  Not what's best for the children.  I may not be an expert on relationships, but as a family lawyer, I am an expert on breakups.

I'm sure at this point in reading you're telling yourself, "It's not about revenge.  It's really just not good for my kid to be around someone who drinks every day."  Be honest with yourself.  Before going through the family law case, you were able to deal with whatever the ex's flaw is.  Sure, there are some shortcomings that are not good for the kids to be around:  a meth lab in the house, for example. But before you get into a tit for tat, finger-pointing money pit of a case, I strongly recommend evaluating whether it's worth the fight.  Because in my experience, the kids lose, and the lawyers are the only ones who win.  I'm not saying don't get divorced.  I'm saying, if you are going down that road, try doing it with kindness.

People are so ugly to each other in family cases, I sometimes lose my faith in humanity, which is why I am such a Jon Foreman and Switchfoot fan.  Their songs are about hope, and also provide comfort to me in times where I doubt my faith in humanity, God, our legal system . . . you name it.  I often look at the two people in this heated sparring match and think about them taking their wedding vows - how in love they once were and how much faith they had in one another to never hurt them.  I wonder how they can be so nasty to the person they once promised to love forever, through better and worse.  They both blame the other one for starting the fight as if that person declared war, and now they both believe they're just defending themselves.  They want to hold on to past wrongs that are years old as an excuse to take away their children - the worst thing a person can lose.

I write this to implore you to think twice before engaging in this fight or doing something nasty that you know will devastate the other parent (such as refusing to bring the kids to a scheduled visit).  Sit down over coffee together and talk about how you can resolve this dispute amicably.  And you may have to give in on some things to get other things you want.  You can't have it all.  Maybe you could schedule a weekly meeting with each other to discuss the kids.  Think about how your decision is affecting your kids.

Agree to put aside your differences in opinion and recognize that you two will never agree on every single way to parent the kids.  Trust me, your kids will turn out better if they are raised by parents who parent differently, who at least get along with each other.  From that, you will teach your children respect, teamwork, and the value of family. 

-Alisha

How Are Civil Unions Different From Marriages In Colorado?

On May 1, 2013 civil unions became legal in Colorado.  A civil union establishes a legal relationship between two people in Colorado, much like a marriage.  Many wonder what this means, and what the differences are, if any, from a marriage?  Civil unions are, for all intents and purposes, the same as a marriage under Colorado law.  Note I specifically wrote “under Colorado law” because, until the Federal government recognizes the rights of the LGBT community to marry within its community, they will not have the same rights as married couples under Federal law.  While this is no doubt confusing, I have outlined the similarities and differences between civil unions and marriages below:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Similarities

• Marriage and Divorce Laws:

o   Divorce  (If you enter into a civil union, then you must divorce as if you entered into a marriage.)

o   Child custody (children conceived during the civil union are presumed to be the natural child of both civil union partners)

o   Child support 

o   Maintenance/alimony 

o   Property and debt division 

o   Prenuptial agreements

o   Adoptions (A civil union partner may adopt the child of the other partner the same way a stepparent in a marriage would).

o   Common law marriage

• Health Insurance.  Your civil union partner can now be covered under your health insurance policy if your policy is in Colorado.
• Spousal privilege.  Under Colorado law, a spouse cannot be forced to testify against you without your permission.  This protection applies to civil union partners as well.
• Civil unions, same-sex marriages, domestic partnerships and other same-sex legal unions conducted in other states that recognize the same rights are recognized in Colorado as civil unions.
• Domestic Abuse laws

Differences

• In a marriage, the married partners are called “spouses.”  In a civil union, the married partners are called “civil union partners.” 
• Income taxes:  Those in a civil union cannot file jointly, or even “married filing separately.”  To alleviate any confusion, Colorado will not allow civil union partners to file income taxes jointly.
• Property division in divorce.  When married couples divorce, the division of assets as part of the divorce (such as dividing a 401(k), transfers of funds from bank accounts, and transfer of home ownership) is exempt from Federal tax.  However, because Federal law does not yet recognize civil unions and marriages that are not between a man and a woman, division of property in a civil union divorce may be considered a taxable event.   In plain English, this means if you get any property in your divorce, the Feds may tax it as income to you.
• Social Security divorced spouse benefits.  If a divorced married couple was married at least 10 years, the lesser-income-earning spouse's social security benefit will be increased to a rate equal to half of the higher-income spouse's benefit amount.  Since Federal law does not yet recognize civil unions, civil union partners will not qualify for this.

In short, under Colorado law, those in a civil union are treated exactly as those in a marriage.  However, under Federal law, your civil union is not yet recognized as a valid union and therefore, is not subject to the same protections.  For more answers on your benefits under Colorado law, contact The Taibo Law Firm to speak with an attorney.