Choosing a School with the Other Parent

In August every year, family lawyers are flooded with phone calls from parents who cannot agree with each other on which school little Johnny should attend, starting that month.  They ask the me to file an emergency motion so a judge can decide.   

The problem is, this is not considered an emergency, so one of two things will end up happening:  Either the parents will take Johnny to the school of their own respective choice on their own respective parenting days, thereby totally inappropriately involving this poor child in the conflict, OR the holdout parent will win.  Neither of these is a good solution.

Sure, you can still try filing something with the Court at the last minute.  But you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning in a house you won from Publisher’s Clearinghouse than getting in front of a judge in time.   

Judges don’t typically consider this issue an emergency.  In Family Court, an emergency usually means child endangerment.  And while your child may be in emotional danger due to this disagreement, it's probably not enough. 

The best thing you can do is figure this out in advance - at least a year before Johnny will start school.  Start having the conversation with the ex today.  If you reach an agreement, then do this:  1) get it in writing and 2) file the agreement with the court.  If you can’t agree and you need a judge to decide this for you, file a motion or petition (whichever the case may be for you) AT LEAST by September the year before (which, depending on the county where you live, may still be too late). 

The Way to a Bully’s Heart is Through His Stomach

I was bullied in middle school, badly.  I was called ugly, laughed at just walking down the hall, and the kids particularly zeroed in on my frizzy mullet that I tried desperately to style.  They made fun of what I was wearing, and ganged up on me.  They wrote me death threats and passed me nasty notes telling me how worthless I was.  They ridiculed me in class, telling me I look like I pick my nose.  Middle school was hell.  

The bus ride home was the worst of it.  I was trapped in a seat in a moving tube with my tormentors and no escape.  One day, I got off at my stop to go home and all the kids on the bus got off with me, even though it wasn’t their stop.  They formed a circle around me and their leader, yelling “Fight! Fight! Fight!” as their leader taunted me, daring me to do something.  I was luckily able to walk through the circle and get home unharmed.  I think it was that day my mom had her brilliant idea, which is the subject of this article.

My mom had thought long and hard about how to make the bullying stop.  She had put me in karate, just in case I’d need to defend myself one day, but that wasn’t a solution to the problem; just a precaution.  No, she kept thinking, what can I do to get them to stop.  And then it came to her:  If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, why wouldn’t the same be true for a kid?  Kids love to eat; especially candy.  

The next day she armed me with a sandwich bag of M&Ms and told me to pull it out on the bus ride home, and to share with my tormentors.  Sure enough, once I opened my bag of candy, the bullies all began asking, “can I have some?”  to which I happily obliged.  From that day forward, I always had some snack to share with all the kids on the bus, and before I knew it, my enemies became my friends.  Not in the sense that we hung out after that, but they were nice to me.  No one ever picked on me again.  It was magic. 

Some parents may be hesitant to employ this tactic, thinking “you’re rewarding the bullies for their bad behavior.”  No you’re not.  You’re outsmarting them.  I stand by this because it worked for me.  It saved me emotionally.  If you have kids that are being bullied, I implore you to try this.  Those M&Ms saved my life.